Exile Island: Weak One
Something was lacking in the Survivor: Exile Island premiere last night. Maybe it was the fact that they didn't arrive via boat, or that it felt like we were joining the show midseason. Or maybe it was the fact that there are only four young women and four young men competing this season to kick out the old folks. Whatever it was, there was a certain vibe missing from this season's opener.
Having said that, here's my brief rundown. Much like the show itself, The Young Men showed us all very little in their debut, but Bobby still looks like the man and I have faith in him. Aras made the guys put their hands NEAR each other and tried to build some reverse-psychological homophobic trust in the tribe. They also failed at all the things I said they'd fail at such as fire building (WITH FLINT AND A MACHETE PROVIDED!!!) and at FORT BUILDING which I always assumed was an innate skill at least in young men.
Old Men: LOVE EM. My top three favorite competitors are on the Old Men (Terry, Dan, Bruce). They're old but capable and immediately had a roaring fire and I can only assume a kickass shelter. In addition, Dan the astronaut and Terry, the navy fighter pilot have become best friends forever and shared their ev-er-y secret with each other. That's just sweet. PLUS Bruce lived up to my every hope and dream as he cut wood like a champ and put the fear of God into his tribe-mates. Granted, the "Colin Farrell look alike" who actually looks WAAAY more like Tommy Lee is out of hand and will probably commit suicide-by-Bruce, but they don't need him anyway. My money's on the old men to come through in the clutch and provide the most excitement this season.
Unfortunately, my money was also vaguely on Sassy Cirie to step up and be the dark horse competitor...well, as I said, she lost thirty pounds, but I don't know where that leaves her. The answer, it turned out, was not at one-hundred-twenty-five pounds. She looks like she just ate the one-hundred-twenty-five pounder with cheese at McDonald's. Still, judge not lest ye be...chosen to be on survivor...which would be AWESOME! As soon as I saw her flop off into the water and fail to swim I knew that she'd led me on and she's dead to me.
Meanwhile, Courtney has fulfilled my every expectation on the Young Women team, as she drew a heart around a dead sea turtle in the sand. She immediately let everyone know that she is, in fact, effing nuts, and i'm glad that got out quickly. Unfortunately, they made Misty stay on the island via a rock/paper/scissors competition which is impossible to actually do with 3 people. ODDS/EVENS people! COME ON! While on the island, Misty was given the clue, "Why did Fate choose to leave you behind?" She assumed this meant that the idol was burried behind her, but I think the truth is that the idol is BURIED IN HER OWN ASS! It would certainly be a "twist that will turn strategy on its head," like Jeff Probst informed us. The other possibility, of course, is that Jeff simply meant, "why would you get chosen to stay on the island with me? Hmm...?" Jeff's already hooked up with one former Survivor female, so maybe he's got a little something set up for this season. Anyway, I hate this team and hopefully they will lose early and often.
Speaking of losing, the Old Women stereotypically failed at following schematics and so had to vote someone out. For their sake, I hope there isn't a competition where a VCR Timer has to be set. Due to this loss, the tribe immediately voted out Tina my lumber"jill" favorite who was clearly the most capable in the tribe. Luckily before she was voted out she lived up to my every expectation when she said the line, "She ain't a smasher," of Ruth Marie during the reward challenge. It turns out that Ruth Marie IS a smasher, however, and maybe that's why they voted out Tina who was probably as pissed as I was at the lack of an ax-based immunity challenge.
That's all from me for week one. Hopefully by now we all know who we hate and who we love and that's a good place to start. Until next post, keep your sea turtles safe and make way for BRUCE.
Third Degree Ax-Belt-and-Chief,
Witz
Having said that, here's my brief rundown. Much like the show itself, The Young Men showed us all very little in their debut, but Bobby still looks like the man and I have faith in him. Aras made the guys put their hands NEAR each other and tried to build some reverse-psychological homophobic trust in the tribe. They also failed at all the things I said they'd fail at such as fire building (WITH FLINT AND A MACHETE PROVIDED!!!) and at FORT BUILDING which I always assumed was an innate skill at least in young men.
Old Men: LOVE EM. My top three favorite competitors are on the Old Men (Terry, Dan, Bruce). They're old but capable and immediately had a roaring fire and I can only assume a kickass shelter. In addition, Dan the astronaut and Terry, the navy fighter pilot have become best friends forever and shared their ev-er-y secret with each other. That's just sweet. PLUS Bruce lived up to my every hope and dream as he cut wood like a champ and put the fear of God into his tribe-mates. Granted, the "Colin Farrell look alike" who actually looks WAAAY more like Tommy Lee is out of hand and will probably commit suicide-by-Bruce, but they don't need him anyway. My money's on the old men to come through in the clutch and provide the most excitement this season.
Unfortunately, my money was also vaguely on Sassy Cirie to step up and be the dark horse competitor...well, as I said, she lost thirty pounds, but I don't know where that leaves her. The answer, it turned out, was not at one-hundred-twenty-five pounds. She looks like she just ate the one-hundred-twenty-five pounder with cheese at McDonald's. Still, judge not lest ye be...chosen to be on survivor...which would be AWESOME! As soon as I saw her flop off into the water and fail to swim I knew that she'd led me on and she's dead to me.
Meanwhile, Courtney has fulfilled my every expectation on the Young Women team, as she drew a heart around a dead sea turtle in the sand. She immediately let everyone know that she is, in fact, effing nuts, and i'm glad that got out quickly. Unfortunately, they made Misty stay on the island via a rock/paper/scissors competition which is impossible to actually do with 3 people. ODDS/EVENS people! COME ON! While on the island, Misty was given the clue, "Why did Fate choose to leave you behind?" She assumed this meant that the idol was burried behind her, but I think the truth is that the idol is BURIED IN HER OWN ASS! It would certainly be a "twist that will turn strategy on its head," like Jeff Probst informed us. The other possibility, of course, is that Jeff simply meant, "why would you get chosen to stay on the island with me? Hmm...?" Jeff's already hooked up with one former Survivor female, so maybe he's got a little something set up for this season. Anyway, I hate this team and hopefully they will lose early and often.
Speaking of losing, the Old Women stereotypically failed at following schematics and so had to vote someone out. For their sake, I hope there isn't a competition where a VCR Timer has to be set. Due to this loss, the tribe immediately voted out Tina my lumber"jill" favorite who was clearly the most capable in the tribe. Luckily before she was voted out she lived up to my every expectation when she said the line, "She ain't a smasher," of Ruth Marie during the reward challenge. It turns out that Ruth Marie IS a smasher, however, and maybe that's why they voted out Tina who was probably as pissed as I was at the lack of an ax-based immunity challenge.
That's all from me for week one. Hopefully by now we all know who we hate and who we love and that's a good place to start. Until next post, keep your sea turtles safe and make way for BRUCE.
Third Degree Ax-Belt-and-Chief,
Witz
posted by Witz at 2:42 PM
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